You might sometimes found me saying that in order to be fully happy money is the most important factor that should be included. Yet you also might found me saying that the real happiness lies in the sheer simplicity of the presence of my significant other.
Do you think that it is possible for one to be so kind they never once act selfish and only think about their own fulfillment? Do you think it is possible for one to be so humble they never once feel special when they are able to get the privilege others don't get? Do you think it is possible for one to be so patient they never once scream frantically over the frustation which happen without asking permission first?
I didn't think it is possible.
I always believe that a person consist of thousands of mixed up emotions and ideas. The environment they grew up in, the books they read, the people they met, the places they visited, every positive and negative occasions which were happened in their life, shape ones to be the complicated people they are today.
People are complicated.
Just because they break their promise once, it does not bluntly mean they will not be responsible on other important matters. Just because a man cheated on his spouse, it does not mean they will not be responsible and fully love his kid in the future. Just because this one woman I know is so down to earth, it does not mean she will not once brag about her privilege she get which allows her to travel the world in first class flight.
I know that for sure. So, I let my self react and act over matters in my imperfect manner. Sometimes I feel that I am nothing compared to the vast universe it makes me feel powerless and so humble, sometimes I feel so content over the privilege I get compared to others I subconsciously proud of this stupid meaningless materialistic matter. And the next time, I could find my self realise I should not be so proud so I surpress my ego and try to think about God.
Like billions other people, I am always a mixed of emotions and ideas.
Only on this one night, last August 5th, did I ever only feel one single emotion inside me. I was there experiencing the 7.0 SR earthquake which hits West Nusa Tenggara. I was there hiking up the hill trying to save my life in case Tsunami did happen. I was there seeing the little area went dark when the electricity cut off.
And what I feel was only one emotion. Humility. You humble me, Lord.
I never thought I could ever be so simple. I never thought I could only feel one emotion inside me. But it did happen.
Yesterday, I grew one year older. And this month has taught me more than the last 26 years of my life has been. And I never thought that it takes this big momentum to be able to make me feeling this one simple emotion in front of my God.
So, thank you for this year, for teaching me to humble my self, my dear God ❤️
